Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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