Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
