So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
