Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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