i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
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