Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
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Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
My butt remains clenched, sir.
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