Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
