i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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