I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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