Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
