I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
