Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize