I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
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He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
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