apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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