It's Friday. Sex?
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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