Swine flu. Run for my life!
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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