I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
