Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
