my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
