You smell like a Billy Joel song
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
