sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
