I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Randomize
