peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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