You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
