we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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