She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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