I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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