My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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