All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
