We named our party play list daddy issues
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
