Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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