Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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