I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
