she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
