Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
