Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
