K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
