Sry I called you an 8
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
