My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
