Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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