i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
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You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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