and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
It's rum buckets o'clock
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
