Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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