is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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