Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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