I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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