My brain says no but my pants say off.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
