i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
