I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Randomize
