I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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