I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
