This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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