I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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