mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
