weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
