my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
