He disabled his match.com account in front of me
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
