I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
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He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
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The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
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