I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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