well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
