I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I looked at my own cervix.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Randomize
